Favorite Albums 2020

I keep this blog solely to be able to post this list annually and for no one to care about it. You're welcome. 

Listen on Spotify

Here are my favorite albums of this shitty, shitty year (in no particular order but in kind of a particular order and with some explainers):

1. Waxahatchee - St Cloud
2. Black is King Soundtrack
3. Taylor Swift - Folklore
4. Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher
5. Ariana Grande - Positions
6. HAIM - Women in Music Pt 3*
7. Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters**
8. Jhené Aiko - Chilombo
9. Ratboys - Printer’s Devil
10. Khelani - It was good until it wasn’t 

*This took a while for me to warm up to

**Technically very good, but sadly one of my least favorite Fiona albums.  There I said it. 

Top 10 Worst People on Below Deck

This was really hard because there are so many pieces of shit on this show and this is coming from someone who regularly watches several Real Housewives franchises.

10. CJ (season 1)

I don't really remember a lot about him except that he was predator and looked like Willy Wonka. 
Favorite Quote: Not sure but probably something like "the Candy Man can."

9. Jen (season 5)

Left her child to follow her dreams of being a stewardess. Constantly complained about work and was terrible at her job.
Favorite Quote: "No matter what I do I can't do anything right." That's correct.

8. This bitch (season 6)

Only has friends because she is rich. Tried to punch someone who was tending to her while she was a drunken idiot. 

Favorite Quote: "My heart is so full."


7. Tanner (season 7)

Quintessential only child. Most likely still breast feeds. Calls Kate a bitch several times but is also desperate to sleep with her. Actually much better than most of the men on this season who were all absolute scum and yet here he is.
Favorite Quote: "I'm excited to get home and see my mom."

6. The woman who refused to share her room so her friend had to sleep in the captain's room and Captain Lee had to sleep on a couch!!!!!

Favorite Quote: (when asked if she could share her room on a luxury yacht) "That's actually not an option."

5. The woman who said "chicken is what poor people eat" while wearing a SCRUNCHIE TO DINNER ON A YACHT!!!


4. Chandler (season 6)

Bosun who took no responsibility for anything. Was mostly napping when he wasn't yelling at Rhylee.
Favorite Quote: "I'm a big boy. I can have ice cream."

3. Kevin (season 7)

Extremely mediocre chef. Tells Kate she doesn't have a palette while also considering chicken parm gourmet. Kicks sand in her face. Like Tanner, and Chandler, and all of the men on Season 7, is an actual baby.

2. Trevor (season 4)

Truly so aptly named!!! Congrats to Trevor's parents. Looks like he wore Fox Racing hats in high school and called everyone he was intimidated by a faggot.
Favorite Quote: "I was a hair model."

1. Ashton, bru (season 7)

Read the textbook on how to be a misogynist piece of shit. Left yachting to " help people transform their bodies eating the foods they enjoy & living their best life" !!!!! Tries to fuck EVERYONE and when denied says things like "I wasn't into her anyway" and "I'm so tired of working so hard to get my dick sucked." 
Favorite Quote: "I almost died." Too bad for us all really. 

My nana is dead.

I once owned the domain name, imyourkatieque.com, but then, like my nana, it expired and died, so now I own mynanaisdead.com.

Thank you and god bless.

Favorite Albums 2018

I spend all year curating this and genuinely no one cares. Here are my favorite albums of 2018:

1. Hop Along - Bark Your Head Off, Dog
2. Anna Burch - Quit the Curse
3. Black Panther Soundtrack
4. Snail Mail - Lush
5. US Girls - In a Poem Unlimited
6. Mitski - Be the Cowboy
7. The Carters - EVERYTHING IS LOVE
8. Adrianne Lenker - abysskiss
9. Drake - Scorpion
10. Speedy Ortiz - Twerp Verse
11. Lucy Dacus - Historian
12. Teyana Taylor -K.T.S.E

Summer 2018

Is it hard to believe that I'm still using Blogger or is it extremely #onbrand?

I had a very special birthday.

SHOWS:

Wednesday, July 18th, 8pm: The Comedy Studio at Remnant Brewing, Somerville
Monday, July 23rd, 8pm: Comedy Dinner Show, Capo, South Boston
Wednesday, August 1st, 8pm: The Pour House, Boston
Sunday, August 5th, 8 pm: East Boston Comedy, Maverick Marketplace
Monday, August 13th, 8 pm: McGreevy's, Boston
Friday, August 17th, 9 pm: The Dover Brickhouse, Dover, NH
Friday, August 24th, what time zone is this: Fringe Festival, Edinburgh

EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT AT 9 AT THE DUGOUT CAFE: The Mendoza Line Comedy Show!

Kewl Gr8

My little baby child, The Mendoza Line Comedy Show, is officially back. This is CRITICAL to my mental health, so please come, every Saturday night at 9 pm, at The Dugout Cafe.

ALSO, the Women In Comedy Festival is right around the corner and it's going to be amazing.

Ok cool.

TBH no one at all cares about this "website" including me.

The Book of Esther

There are a handful of feminist heroes in the Bible and my favorite of all is Esther. In fact, I love her so much that I’ve decided if I ever have a baby girl, I’d name her Esther, and if I ever have a baby boy, I’d just throw it in the trash (because I also appreciate the story of Moses).

Look, I know most people are probably not that interested in reading the Bible or anything in prose form, but there are 3 reasons why you should give the Book of Esther a chance:

1. It’s very short  (not a lot of words to read)
2. It’s about a woman (technically directed by a man, but still)
3. It’s the only book in the Bible that doesn’t explicitly mention God (who we all know is the original fuckboy)

Still not convinced? Fine, I’ll just sum it up for you. Here it is, The Book of Esther:

The story starts with Ahasuerus -- the King of Persia and another historic fuckboy -- divorcing his wife because she’s not kinky enough for him.  He’s like, “Daddy wants to fuck”, and she’s like, “I’m tired and you’re impotent”, and he’s like, “whatever ur an ugly bitch anyway” and kicks her to the curb. Immediately thereafter, he starts looking for a new queen with some very specific criteria:

1. she’s gotta be super hot
2. she’s gotta be super young, and
3. she’s gotta be a virgin. 

(Also, if you scroll down to the bottom of his profile, it absolutely says “No fatties”.)

So he swipes through a bunch of chicks, but ultimately picks Esther because she’s a total smokeshow, like irresistibly attractive. But the thing about Esther that he doesn’t know is that she’s also really smart AND she’s secretly Jewish. This becomes problematic because one day, Ahasuerus’ right-hand man, Haman, says to him, “Hey, I think you should kill all the jews.” And Ahasuerus is like, “Okay!” and orders a massacre. (I mean honestly could they have come up with any other plotline by this point? HACKS.)

Anyway, secretly-Jewish Esther obviously isn’t a huge fan of this idea, so she devises a plan to stop it. She’s like, “Hmm, what embarrassingly simple thing could I do to get a man to change his mind? I know -- trick him with sex!” So she goes and fasts for three days -- a little diet tip she learned from Cosmo -- and once she’s all frail and sick looking (just like her man likes it), she seduces Ahasuerus. At some point during what I can only imagine to be very disappointing foreplay, she whispers in his ear, “Hey Ahasuerus, how about you, like, not kill the Jews”.  And he’s like, “Baby, I’ll do anything you want because even though I have complete authority, I’m actually pretty dumb and also horny as hell.”

So the next day Ahasuerus tells Haman, “Uh, nevermind on the whole killing the Jews thing -- the old ball-and-chain won’t let me do it lol”.  And everyone laughs because he’s negging his wicked hot wife who is way too good for him and yet somehow only a supporting character of the show*.  Then, to really emphasize his masculinity, Ahasuerus has Haman hanged and tells the Jews, “You’re totally welcome to kill some Persians, if you want.” And they do. A lot of them.

So why do I like this story?  Well, because in the end, it’s about a woman empowering herself with her sexuality and in result, 75,000 men die.

Happy Purim, everyone.

*Actually Esther’s cousin, Mordecai, is named the hero of this story, but not in my opinion, so I didn’t mention him at all. Forget I even said this.

Hi, I still have this blog

Can you believe I still user Blogger? Me either. I'm thinking of transitioning back to GeoCities.

Anyway, I swear people have been asking me to let them know when I perform comedy, so if you're interested in seeing me sometime over the next couple weeks, you can find me on:

• Wednesday, February 28th at 8 pm at The Shaskeen Pub,  Manchester, NH 
• Wednesday, March 7th at 8 pm at The Ellis Room, Brookline, MA
• Wednesday, March 28th at 7:30 pm at Limelight Comedy Club, Boston, MA

Pretty much just Wednesdays, I guess.

For my Women In Comedy Festival schedule: CLICK RIGHT HERE.

superfluous picture of my cat surrounded by clutter

Oh also, my precious little gem baby -- The Mendoza Line Comedy Show (*every Saturday night at 9) -- is still *on hiatus while the Dugout renovates, but we'll be back very very soon, so keep checking facebook/twitter/instagram/my desperate text messages for updates.

Bad Feminist

I'm a bad feminist and here's why: 

I've been sexually harassed on multiple occasions (in the past and recently and continually), and at no time did I speak up nor defend myself.

This keeps me up at night: thinking about these incidents and feeling guilty for ~putting myself in those situations~.

I know it’s wrong to generalize a group of people (a good feminist wouldn’t do that), but men, you are so predictably awful, so often, even when I’ve truly, truly tried giving you the benefit of the doubt.

But I’ve also never said that to you when you’ve violated my trust. In fact, I think I said thank you(!) and pretended it was fine.

I have spent countless hours reassuring men of their worth, sacrificing my own in the process.

What else? 

I've watched women attack and tear each other down, and chose to step away, to say nothing, to protect myself and my feelings instead.

I shook my head at women for not supporting other women, but I did not support other women.

Oh yeah, and I haven’t leaned in, I haven’t asked for things I deserve, I haven’t convinced myself I deserve things. I’ve said nothing.

I’ve said nothing.

I’ve said nothing.
I’ve said nothing.

Favorite Albums of 2017

This is a thing I do every year, and I'm not just going to stop because it's inconsequential and uninteresting to most people. Why would I do that?

1. SZA - Ctrl



2. Diet Cig - Swear I'm Good At This



3. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.



4. HAIM - Something to Tell You



5. Waxahatchee - Out in the Storm



6. St Vincent - MASSEDUCTION



7. Adult Mom - Soft Spots



8. Big Thief - Capacity 



9. Lorde - Melodrama



10.  Radiohead - OK Computer OKNOTOK (technically forever probably)




This was really hard!!!!!  2017 was a great year for music and a terrible year for the world!!!!!!!

November 2017

Oops, I've been bad at updating this because it's tedious and self-indulgent. I promise I did comedy in October. In other states and everything! Anyway, I wish I were tech savvy enough to embed (??) a calendar on here or have an actual website, but alas. I have an iPhone 5se that no longer works since the latest iOS update!!!!! What do any of these words even mean!?!?!?

Literally no one cares, but here I am:

Thursday, November 2nd, 7 pm: Club Cafe, Boston, MA
Monday, November 6th, 8:30 pm: ROFL House, Fall River, MA
Thursday, November 9th, 7:30 pm: Art Lounge, Arlington, MA
Saturday, November 11th, 11 pm: ImprovBoston, Cambridge, MA
Friday, November 17th, 8 pm: Hideout Comedy, Boston, MA

EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT, THE MENDOZA LINE COMEDY SHOW, 9 PM, THE DUGOUT CAFE.  THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, also, please stay tuned for my annual Best Albums of the Year post that absolutely no one values but me!!!!!!

DO THESE EXCLAMATION POINTS ILLUSTRATE ENTHUSIASM? WHAT ABOUT THE CAPSLOCK?

September 2017

Thursday, September 7th: Thunderbar, Allston
Wednesday, September 13th, 9 pm: Stand Up Jam, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Thursday, September 14th, 8 pm: Hot Dog Sideshow, Worcester
Friday, September 15th, 7 pm: Maggy's Lounge, Quincy
                                                10 pm: Token, ImprovBoston
Sunday, September 17th, 8 pm: Liquid Courage, Slumbrew, Somerville
                                                 9 pm: The People's Show, ImprovBoston
Wednesday, September 20th, 8 pm: ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Thursday, September 21st, 7 pm: Headliners, John Harvard's, Cambridge
Sunday, September 24th, 7 pm: Champions Comedy, Cambridge
Wednesday, September 27th, 6 pm: Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain

this was fun

And/or come to The Mendoza Line at the Dugout Cafe every Saturday night at 9 pm! KGr8

July/August 2017

Thursday, July 6, 9 pm: Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain

Friday, July 7, 8 pm: Maggy's Lounge, Quincy, MA

Sunday, July 9, 8 pm: Hideout, Boston
                                 9 pm: People's Show, ImprovBoston, Cabridge

Thursday, July 13, 8 pm: Red Nun, Cape Cod, MA

Thursday, July 20, 7:30 pm: Joe Fish, North Andover, MA

Wednesday, August 2, 7 pm: Ellis Room, Brookline, MA

Saturday, August 5,  8 pm: GEM, Boston

Friday, August 11, 8 pm: Asheville Comedy Festival, Asheville, NC

Monday, August 14, 9 pm: Sea Dog Comedy, South Yarmouth, MA

Saturday, August 19, 8 pm: Broad Appeal, Somerville
Tuesday, August 22, 8 pm: McGreevy's, Boston

June 2017

Saturday, June 3rd, 9 pm: Battle Royale, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Sunday, June 11th, 9 pm: People's Show, ImprovBoston, Cambridge

Sunday, June 11th, 5 pm:  Bustin' the Body Police, The Rockwell, Somerville, MA.
This is a special stand-up, sketch, and storytelling event concerning body image, featuring a Q&A session with the Multi-Service Eating Disorders Association (MEDA)

Thursday, June 15th, 8 pm: Thunderbar, Allston
Friday, June 16th, 7 pm: The Gas at Great Scott, Allston
Thursday, June 22nd, 8 pm: Sweet Caroline's, Fenway

Saturday, June 24th, 8 pm: Bullshittin' with Brittain, Middlebury, VT
Sunday, June 25th, 8 pm: Cup of Comedy, Burlington, VT
Monday, June 26th, 8 pm: Comedy & Crepes, Burlington, VT

Tuesday, June 27th, 8 pm: McGreevy's, Boston

And don't miss Laugh While You Can's June show on
Wednesday, June 21st, from 6-8 at The Midway Cafe in JP,
benefiting Bikes Not Bombs.

May 2017

Thursday, May 11th, 9 pm: Sketchhaus, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Friday, May 19th, 8 pm: Hideout Comedy, Boston
Saturday, May 20th, 8 pm: Laugh While You Can, Doyle's Cafe, Jamaica Plain

Benefit show for Trans Lifeline 

Sunday, May 21, 9 pm: StandUp ThrowDown semi-finals, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Tuesday, May 23rd, 8 pm: McGreevy's, Boston
Wednesday, May 24th, 8 pm: Midway Presents, Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain
Monday, May 29th, 8 pm: ROFL House, The Belmont, Fall River, MA

April 2017

Saturday, April 29th, 11:30 pm: Night Moves, ImprovBoston, Cambridge

Sunday, April 30th, 9 pm: StandUp ThrowDown, ImprovBoston, Cambridge

Monday, April 17th, 7 pm: Comedy & Crepes, Burlington VT
Sunday, April 16th, 8 pm: Boston Comedy Chicks, Slumbrew Brewery, Somerville
Saturday, April 15th, 9 pm: The Mendoza Line, Boston
Thursday, April 13th, 8 pm: Stand Up Jam, ImprovBoston, Cambridge

March/April Shows

This is really just for me at this point.

c/o @hamburgerphone

Thursday, March 2nd, 8 pm: Staunch, Allston
Saturday, March 11th, 8 pm: ComedyKaze, Somerville; 9 pm: Battle Royal, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Sunday, March 12th, 9 pm: People's Show, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Wednesday, March 15th, 8 pm: Limelight Comedy, Boston
Thursday, March 16th, 8 pm: The Comedy Studio, Cambridge

Sunday, April 2nd, 8 pm: The Comedy Studio, Cambridge
Thursday, April 13th, 8 pm: Stand Up Jam, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Saturday, April 15th, 9 pm: The Mendoza Line, Boston
Monday, April 17th, 7 pm: Comedy & Crapes, Burlington VT

And on Friday, March 31st, come down to the Arts at the Armory in Somerville for Laugh While You Can's benefit show to raise money for The Welcome Project!

January/February Shows

"IS ANYBODY THERE? DOES ANYBODY CARE?" - Girl from my high school doing performance art in our talent show.

Also me because I don't think anyone reads these posts, even though people are always asking, "When's your next show?"

HERE:

Saturday, January 21st, 8 pm: Comedy at Gallery 263, Cambridge
Monday, January 30th, 8 pm: Double Midnight Comics, Manchester, NH
Wednesday, February 1st, 8 pm: The Comedy Studio, Cambridge
Saturday, February 11th, 8 pm: Laughing Liberally, Arts at the Armory, Somerville
Thursday, February 16th, 8 pm: The Comedy Studio, Cambridge
Saturday, February 18th, 9pm: Mendoza Line, Boston
Sunday, February 19th, 9 pm: The People's Show, ImprovBoston, Cambridge
Thursday, February 23rd, sometime: Thunderbar, Allston
Friday, February 24th, 8 pm: The Hideout, Faneuil Hall
Saturday, February 25th, 7 pm: The Bad Bad Show!, Wonderbar, Allston
Tuesday, February 28th, 9 pm: Hot QUEso, Sunset Tap, Allston

Winter Shows

It's getting darker and colder and more bitter. I'm of course talking about my heart. But it's also wintertime.

Here are some places I'll be over the next couple months.

December 9, 8:30 pm: Comedy at The Green Room, Cambridge

December 15, 7:30 pm: Comedy in Bubby's Basement*, Mamaleh's, Cambridge
                            9:00 pm: Stand Up Break In, Riot Theater, Jamaica Plain
December 21, 9:30pm: ImprovBoston Holiday Stand-Up Showcase
December 29, probably around like 8 or something: Thunderbar Comedy
January 1, 9:30 pm: ImprovBoston 100 First Jokes, Cambridge
January 3, 8:00 pm: McGreevy's, Boston
January 4, 8:00 pm: Limelight Comedy Club, Theater District

January 5, 9:00 pm: Storytelling at The Riot Theater, Jamaica Plain
January 11, 8:00 pm: Bull Feeney's, Portland, ME
January 30, 8:00 pm: Midnight Comics, Manchester, NH

***January 13, 7 pm: Laugh While You Can's first benefit show to raise money for RAINN. Come support this important cause!

Buy tickets here.

And/or donate here.

Check back for updates.

Favorite Albums 2016

2016 was the worst, right? Mostly everything blew ass out of pieces of water*. Except for the music. The music was pretty good.

via GIPHY

In no particular order, here are my favorite and/or most listened to albums of 2016:

1. Julien Baker - Sprained Ankle
2. Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool
3. Kanye West - Life Of Pablo 
4. Beyonce - Lemonade
5. Kendrick Lamar - Untitled
6. Big Thief - Masterpiece
7. Rihanna - ANTI
8. Solange - A Seat at the Table
9. Angel Olsen - MY WOMAN
10. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

No one ever cares about these posts, but they're important to me, so I keep making them.

*This is an expression I made up in 2002 while watching the movie Signs.