The Biggest Loser

I've been seeing a personal trainer for the past few months, which is one of the best (and most expensive) things I've ever done for myself. Together, we focus on core strength, functional exercise, and fitness. He's never measured my body fat or told me to start juicing. And, for the first time in my life, I actually feel like a strong person.  It's pretty amazing.

The other night, during an exceptionally hard workout that involved these, I told my trainer that I felt like I was on The Biggest Loser. He was a little offended, and I understand why; in fact, I immediately regretted my comment and apologized.  I've only seen one episode of The Biggest Loser, but it was enough for me to confirm that it is a despicable show. It does nothing to teach its contestants how to develop healthy habits and positive body image. Instead, it is two hours of fat shaming.

In the one episode I watched, they put all of the overweight people into a room DECORATED WITH DONUTS, to, of course, emphasize how fat people are slobs with no self-control. YET, the challenge was to eat the most donuts. Because if you ate the most donuts, you got to go to the gym more often. WHAT? This is seriously what happened on the show, you guys.

So, my question is, why are we surprised that a contestant would develop unhealthy eating habits, would lose too much weight, or would gain it all back? The Biggest Loser tells you that if you're fat, you are a loser, and you should do everything you can, as quickly as possible, to become thin and to win. And America eats that shit up (pun intended). It makes us feel good about ourselves, right? But no actual good comes of it. Not for the people on the show, or the people watching*.

*Take it from someone who watches Teen Mom.

Weight Watching

I've unsubscribed from Weight Watchers emails three times now, and yet, I'm still hearing from them. I tweeted at them to leave me alone, and they requested that I DM (direct message) them for help. For those of you not on twitter (what? why?), you must be following someone in order to DM them. So, essentially, I would have to increase my connection to WW in order to be unsubscribed. Yes, I know I could immediately unfollow them, but this is about principles! STOP FUCKING EMAILING ME. If WW had a better customer service system in place I'd feel less inclined to write this post about their program, but now I'm annoyed. And when I'm annoyed, I turn immediately to social media because I'm a millennial.

Selfies, cats, craft beer, hashtags #millenial

I was overweight for most of my life, and that's just how it was. That is not to say that I was happy, more so resigned. But, after I graduated college and moved to Boston, I decided it was finally time to lose weight. At that time, I was over 200 pounds. Please know that it causes me physical pain to write this, but I'm doing it. For you. And so Weight Watchers will get off my shit.

I was already a member of a gym - being physically active has not generally been a challenge for me. My problems revolve mainly around cheese and all the emotions I attach to it. So, I needed to start focusing more on eating "healthy", aka less. I decided to join Weight Watchers because they hosted meetings at my office -- it was convenient and I had heard it works. On the Weight Watchers program, every food is assigned a points value. You are allotted a specific amount of points each day (based on your weight/height, etc.) and you are expected to track everything you eat. It is, in its most basic form, another version of counting calories. Now, everyone knows that if you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. It's science. So, a diet that is based on this equation, such as Weight Watchers, is, more or less, proven to work. And it worked for me. I lost roughly 80 lbs and thus became "healthy". Except not really.

Perhaps some people can count points or calories without going crazy, but I am not one of them. Although Weight Watchers helped me lose weight, it also helped me develop disordered eating. Even though I haven't been on the program for years, everything I eat, or even just look at, is still assigned a number. On the program, I felt so bad about myself when I exceeded my points allotment for the day. Why didn't I have more self-control?!  I would then try to compensate for my mistake by eating almost nothing the next day. 80 calorie lunches were a real, far too regular thing. At one point on the program, bananas had a higher point value than most fruits, so I felt bad about eating those, too. BANANAS! It was insane. And now so am I.

I still often experience this cycle of guilt. It's not only destructive mentally, but also physically. For the record, you cannot, and will not successfully lose weight if you are bingeing and fasting, or fad dieting, or generally spending all of your time worrying about food. You also can't be happy.

For the past year or so, I've been actively working on changing the way I think and feel about food, and let me tell you, it's extremely difficult when you have such demonizing thoughts in your head (and when Weight Watchers is constantly reminding you via email that you're still not thin enough).  But I think it is worth it. Being at a healthy weight is no fun when your brain doesn't let you appreciate it. I just want to have a scoop of ice cream and not think about it for the rest of the day! Seems reasonable, right? So, next time you try to lose weight, think about why you're doing it. Is it to be happy? Because your weight really has no effect on that, trust me.

Beyoncé ft. Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche - Flawless... by wonderful-life1989

I recognize that for some people (including my previous self), losing weight is critical to their health. However, I don't necessarily believe dieting is the best way to do it.  It's interesting to consider that as dieting and diet foods have become more popular in the U.S., so has obesity. Perhaps the answer to losing weight is not limiting food, but allowing it. 

Earlier this month, I began a personal campaign to end fat talk. To enjoy food without examining its caloric value first. To concentrate on being happy, not being thin. I hope you will join me.

Do they make Lean Cuisines for cats?

After centuries of debate, I think I can put an end to the argument that is Nature vs. Nurture.

Last week, I took Boo to the vet for a check up and was told that he had gained over a pound in less than 9 months. Over a pound! That's like if you gained 10 lbs in 9 months. It's pretty drastic. At this point, the vet wants Boo to lose 1-2 lbs, which means he is now on a strict diet.

I blame myself.

Weight watching.

When I'm hungry, it's scary times for everyone around me. I am hostile and emotional. I once cried because a bouncer at a bar told me that the kitchen was closed. This food panic is apparently something that runs in my family as my sister has told me the only real fight she's ever had with her boyfriend was about when and where to eat.

The thing is, I'm apparently not rational enough to remember I am a middle-income American who is surrounded by food at all times. Even at 3 am, I can go to CVS and get a box of Cheez-Its if need be. Yet, when I'm hungry, I act like I am most definitely going to starve to death. Immediately.

Likewise, sometimes, if I'm gone for more than 24 hours, I come home to Boo's food bowl flipped over (presumably in fury), water all over the floor, and a chewed up sweet potato that he stole off the counter. It is the image of desperation.

Starvation.

Every time he eats, he acts like it's his last. He rarely breathes between breaths.  His ass is getting huge.

Carb face.

The parallels are stunning.

No One Likes a (Green) Giant.

Have you ever seen that Green Giant commercial that says you can now eat your vegetables with sauce and not feel guilty about it? It's pretty awful, and it also makes me wonder if anyone ever felt guilty about it before. I know, according to the media, I am supposed to feel guilty about eating chocolate and ice cream and food, but I never knew vegetables were bad too. 


Apparently they were. That is, until Green Giant saved the day with its low-cal cheese sauce. In the commercial, a woman (of course, because women are the only people who diet or need to diet and who have to sit and eat fucking vegetables without sauce or they'll get fat and die and no one will like them ever) is happily eating a tiny plate of broccoli and sauce. There's nothing else on the plate. That's all. A half cup of broccoli and some watery "cheese" sauce. And she's smiling about it. 

Listen, this bitch is either on serious drugs or getting paid a shit ton* to pretend that she's actually satisfied with this bullshit meal.  Take it from someone who used to eat Green Giant vegetables for lunch every day. Those were the worst days of my life. MY LIFE. And not because I felt guilty about the sauce, but because I was fucking starving.


I could get more feminist about this, but I'm not going to do that because that's not the purpose of this blog (there's a purpose?), and because I still strive to be a housewife. But the fact that women feel like they have to eat a 60 calorie meal so that they don't feel guilty about eating in general is fucked up.






*legitimate unit of measure.