AM I PREGNANT?

No. Because that would require intercourse, which is FOREVER ABSENT from my life.

However, I did just have the most intense craving for chocolate that I urgently ran out of my office to go get a chocolate chip cookie from Crema Cafe (also known as the best place in Harvard Square). On my way there, I had a panic attack inside my head, saying things like, "What if they ran out?!" As if I would die without the cookie. As if my life depended on it. But I think it did.

Anyway, you can all relax now. I got the cookie and I'm not pregnant. As far as I know.