I can't believe I'm still writing about birth control.

It's hard to believe that Americans aren't tired of talking about birth control yet. Aren't you all so fucking bored? Like, why are we still arguing about this? So much time is spent debating the morality of birth control and abortion; meanwhile, people all over the world are dying from disease, war, poverty, etc. etc. But whatever. What's most important is that we spend our time deciding what women can do with their own bodies.

I feel like most of my friends/readers are smart enough to understand why birth control needs to be safely accessible, so I'm not going to explain that to you. Unfortunately, though, women everywhere need to constantly justify their use of contraception to politicians, radio hosts, TV anchors - lots of white men, for the most part.

It's interesting to me that birth control is a "women's issue" when it very much benefits men. Perhaps more so. Birth control exists so that women can have sex with men. We don't need it to pleasure ourselves, fellas. Yet, discussions around birth control almost always exclude men. Discussions of its purpose at least. Discussions of its legislation are generally dominated by men, so that makes perfect sense.

My question is: why can't we just accept it for what it is and move the fuck on? Literally.

We are now dealing with a bizarre new morality where a woman cannot simply say, in one way or another, "I'm on the pill because I like dick." - Roxane Gay

Of course, it's not only about sex. It's about controlling birth. It's about delaying children for the sake of your career, or financial preparedness, or general happiness.  It's about having the time to decide, as a couple, that you want a family. Isn't that a good thing for everyone? For women and men? For employers, for the economy, for people against welfare, for individualism? Honestly, I can't think of anything more patriotic than avoiding pregnancy.

Things I learned this weekend

1. OkCupid is awful and terrible, but this is great:

2. I cannot wait to deactivate my account again.

3. You should probably check the weather report before you go hiking.

4. And maybe wear shoes that aren't made of mesh.

This would be their last day.

5. It's probably not the smartest idea to stand in a tower at the summit during a thunderstorm.

6. Speaking of thunderstorms, I thought I was over my fear of them until this weekend. On that note, I apologize to my fellow hikers / the many families with children who likely heard me yell, "Are we going to die?!" several times.

7. We did not die.

8. Of course, the sun came back out as soon as we got back to our car. 

So many filters, though.

9. Barcelona Wine Bar has the best tapas in Boston. 

Manchego 4-L, please.

10. Boo really wanted to be friends with my sister's dog but my sister's dog was terrified of Boo. He's really a gentle giant, you guys. Also perfectly healthy, weight-wise.

11. I spent Sunday afternoon reading HBR's case study on Beyonce's release of her self-titled, visual album while listening to her self-titled, visual album. Here are my favorite quotes from the case:

"And what it takes for her to do these shows... most fans have no idea. It's like running a marathon every night. The stamina it takes to sing, dance, remember all of that, do it all in a cohesive fashion—and make it look effortless—is the gift of a truly talented and well-rehearsed performer.” 

"Make no mistake—she really is the boss,” remarked Sabey. Callahan-Longo agreed: “It is disheartening that there are still stories written where people assume that just because she is a woman, there is a person other than herself running her business.”

"We work for a woman who has no fear."

On Beyonce's brand: "It's about allowing women to be who they are and to feel empowered by who they are. That's the true core. You can be different and powerful. You can be sexual and non-compromising. You can be feminine and strong. All those juxtaposed values can co-exist in one person, in one woman." 

 “I really, really wanted to surprise people and for them to really just hear the art and for it not to be about the hype and the promotion.” 

12. The case ends with the question, "Would her big gamble pay off?" After thorough analysis, my answer can be summed up in one word: Duh. 

13. There is a woman on Beyonce's staff whose last name is Beyince.
14. After watching "Blow" for the 3,785th time, it's confirmed that I need to have some kind of party at a roller skating rink immediately.

Blow (HD) - BEYONCE from Heber Ezequiel Gonzalez Pailos on Vimeo.

15. Today is my parents' 41st wedding anniversary. I'm pretty lucky to come from two amazing people who have never been afraid to be themselves (or let their hair down):

Never Cooking Again

I read this blog post the other day entitled "An Argument for Never Cooking Again" and it very much resonated with me. Essentially, the author, Sarah Miller, argues that people only really like to cook for other people and they only really like to cook for other people so that they can feel loved and appreciated for doing so. This seems pretty accurate. I "love" baking, but I only "love" baking when I'm doing it for other people because they'll like it (and like me). I almost never bake for myself.  For one thing, I'm mostly lazy. And two, I would never not feel guilty about eating a pan of brownies by myself (that doesn't mean I haven't done that, though).

"An Argument for Never Cooking Again"

Cooking for one especially sucks. First of all, as that post suggests, despite my inflated ego, I don't feel motivated to spend that much time making food only for myself. Second of all, I am pretty much ALWAYS starving by the time I get home from work, so I want to eat something that takes less than 20 minutes to make. Third of all, and most unfortunately, it's not always cheaper to cook for yourself, despite popular belief. Don't get me wrong, I make most of my meals, but they almost always consist of beans and salsa and other things that cost less than a dollar and only need to be heated up. Whenever I want to eat something other than grains and legumes, it actually makes more sense to go out, which seems backwards, but it's not.

I made tacos the other night with meat -- a small step up from my typical beans and salsa -- and all things considered, the ingredients were at least $15. For tacos! Yes, I had leftovers, but that also means I had to eat the same thing many times in a row and that gets old quickly. I once made this delicious polenta casserole, but by the 3rd day of eating it, I wanted to kill myself. I am not being dramatic.

On the other hand, there is a restaurant near my office that has a pretty good beer selection and a half-priced menu from 4-6 every day. That means it's actually cheaper for me to go out and get a craft beer and an entire plate of nachos than it is to go to the grocery store and buy ingredients for a meal. Maybe not the healthiest choice, but YOLO, you guys.

And, since I live amidst Section 8 housing and broke college kids, there are countless options for very cheap food in my neighborhood. For instance, I can get a slice of pizza for $2 that is actually the size of 3 slices of pizza, so it literally feels like you won the lottery when you eat it. Literally.

When I'm not trying to get diabetes, I go to the Russian BAZAAR down the street from my apartment that has almost everything you'd ever need at half the price of a regular grocery store. Also, a whole fucking aisle of pickled items. A WHOLE AISLE. There are few things I dislike more than grocery shopping (humidity is high on the list) because almost everyone is an asshole at the grocery store. I worked at Shaws for 7 years of my life and every time I go into that store I have a mini panic attack and want to punch everyone around me. (Last time I was there, I yelled at a woman to "Get some awareness!" That is who I've become.) However, at the Bazaar, no one speaks English and/or has any interest in talking to another human being and it's wonderful. The only drawback is that almost every label is in Russian, so I don't necessarily know what I'm buying/eating, but that just keeps the adventure alive. I generally leave with a bag of fermented vegetables and cheese and go home and eat snacks for dinner. Someday I aspire to make an actual meal, but only if someone wants to help me do it. And/or just do it for me. What I mean is that someday I aspire to come home to dinner on the table.

Things I learned this weekend

1. Vermont is so fucking pretty. I screamed about it all weekend.

2. Johnny Appleseed was a real person.

3. Johnny Appleseed was born in Leominster, MA.

4. Johnny Appleseed is praised for being a good samaritan because he introduced apple trees to Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois. But I would like to point out that he ABANDONED his hometown, so.

5. I just think you should know everything about a person before you give them a sign on the highway.

How do we know he was real when all we have is cartoon pictures of him??

6.  Leaves turn colors because of photosynthesis, or something.

7. The woman who runs the White Rocks Inn in Wallington, VT is the CRAZIEST BITCH I'VE EVER MET.

8. She stole my pumpkin magic cookie bars and I will hold it against her til the day I die.

9. If you move your hand at precisely the wrong moment, you will accidentally punch a little girl in the face on the dance floor.
10.  Meredith and I aren't very good at taking selfies.

11. I have sniper vision when it comes to spotting fast food off the highway.
12. When given the option of watching your friends get their hair and make-up done or going to the bar with 12 men to watch football, I choose the latter.
13. My fantasy football team, Meow or Never (obviously), is CRUMBLING! I won the first 4 weeks and now I can't even break 100 points. :''''''''''''''(
14. This dragonfly is positively terrifying.

15. I only have one more wedding left and it's in Jamaica. Not mad.

What did you learn this weekend?

Studio Life

I made a video. In my pajamas. Without makeup on. From the most unflattering angle.

Fuck it.

Is this a mommy blog?

You guys, I know I'm going to sound like a soccer mom in a second, but I'm wicked excited about my new tupperware and I need to tell you about it. I've been bringing my lunch to work nearly every day since January when I made it one of my 12 resolutions. And, due to my aforementioned poverty, it's been pretty necessary for me to do so. I often make a big pot of quinoa or lentils or something equally peasant-like on Sunday and portion it out for the week ahead. (If you for some reason care about what I eat, follow me on instagram, duh.)  However, one of my favorite lunches ever is salad (like, for serious), but I rarely bring it because I never had tupperware big enough or anything to carry my dressing in that wouldn't leak. That is, until now. Behold, the Fit & Fresh salad container:

I'm so obsessed with this thing*. It's the perfect size, the perfect shape, and it has a DRESSING DISPENSER. It's awesome. Related: my life is really boring these days.

Work has been totally overwhelming lately, which is partly why my blog has been abandoned and malnourished the past few months. But I'm attempting to make it a priority again, since it is something I actually enjoy (whereas work - not so much). On that note, you know what makes me really sad? When people who don't know how to construct a sentence get paid to write. For instance, people in marketing who are so careless and frivolous that they can't even spell-check their emails but have made a career out of writing them. People who are hired because others value their content, content which the writers don't even care enough about to proofread. It's not only sad, it's infuriating. But that fury generally comes from my enormous feeling of jealousy that these people write for a living, which I probably could have done, but didn't. So here I am rage-blogging instead.


*Editor's note: I did NOT get paid for this endorsement. But I probably should have. (Hint, hint fit-fresh.com).

Autumn In Boston

A few of my blog friends have been taking this October Blogging Challenge to blog every single day in October. I'm never going to do that, obviously, but today's writing prompt is "What does autumn look like in your city?" and since Boston is pretty pretty during the fall, I thought I'd at least post some pictures.

But first, who says 'autumn', though? Here in Boston, where English is brutalized daily, we say fall, motherfuckers.

Autumn Fall in Boston

I don't know whose photo this is, but it isn't mine.

Bridgewater

Foxboro

Cambridge

Salem

Southie!

Arlington

Somerville

Almost none of these are pictures of Boston. Bye.

Old Gym vs. New Gym

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As you may or may not remember, after moving to le ghetto, I decided to quit my fancy gym and go to the one at my work for literal pennies instead. For the most part, the transition has been easy, especially since I'm saving a ridiculous amount of money, but there are some key differences between the two:

Clothing

Old gym: Clothing brands ranged from Target to Lululemon, but people were always in workout clothes. 
New gym: Anything goes. You got a few minutes in between class to work out but you're wearing a dress? That's fine! Aint no thang. The other day I watched a woman run on the treadmill in jeans and a polo shirt.

Locker room

Old gym:  They served you fucking CUCUMBER-INFUSED WATER right outside the SPA area. Old women would literally blow dry their bushes CASUALLY next to you. 

New gym: You will never not take a cold shower. Never not. There is no time to loiter naked because it's so M-F cold.

Cleanliness

Old gym: There were stations of disposable wipes all around the gym. Everyone used them.

New gym: There are stations with paper towels and disinfectant that I've never seen anyone even look at. I think I'm the only person who has ever wiped down his/her machine there. Ringworm feels inevitable at this point.

Music

Old gym: The same classical CD over and over and over again. They often played Swan Lake which just gave me terrifying day-mares about Natalie Portman. (Okay, maybe they were more like fantasies.)

New gym: They play the dopest shit because it's run by actual 18-year-olds. I recently went up to the front desk to ask about the playlist and the ~kids~ got all nervous because they thought I was going to reprimand them for playing hip-hop. Never, little ones, and also, thank you.

Clientele

Old gym: All women, mostly privileged, with little to no self-awareness.

New gym: All ages and sexes. This makes working out  more enjoyable because I can gawk at men with beards who also happen to attend one of the most elite universities in the world. GET AT ME, BRO. But seriously, do that. 

What I've been up to.

Nothing, really. I'm super poor at the moment (and by moment I mean the past 2 months) on account of the fact that I drastically underestimated how much weddings would cost. (I hope you're all enjoying those new champagne glasses while I eat an 89 cent can of beans for dinner! JK LOL. I love you guys.)

That said, I've been spending most of my free time watching Netflix and drinking Charles Shaw because it's literally all I can afford right now. But let me tell you something: I'm loving it. I never really appreciated TV before. Sure, I had a few shows (Game of Thrones, Jeopardy!) but, in general, I always preferred to do pretty much anything other than watch TV. Now I finally get all the hype. TV is awesome. Sitting on your couch is awesome. Being lazy is fucking awesome.

I watched both seasons of House of Cards in approximately 2 weeks. I've also finished all 6 (available) seasons of Parks & Rec. God, that show is perfect. I need more Craig in my life. GIVE ME CRAIG.

As for dating, I'm not doing it, obviously. It's pretty hard to meet people when you're sitting around in polka dot pajamas in your living room that is also your bedroom that is also your entire apartment. I have decided, though, that if I go back to online dating, my profile will say:

Looking for someone to watch TV and get fat with. It's the American dream. 

I mean it is the dream, right? Sitting and eating? I think this means I'm finally ready for a relationship. You know, one that requires no work. 

So, what else?

Well, I met the fabulous Jessica Merchant of How Sweet It Is last week. She is the reason I'm even writing this at all. I asked her if her blog ever stresses her out (hint: mine does; hint: everything does), and she said no because she loves her blog and also doesn't care if what she writes matters. I care that what I write matters, which is weird since I mostly write about total bullshit. But I spend a lot of time worrying about what to write. Jessica, on the other hand,  just sits down each evening and writes a post about whatever the fuck she wants and that's that*. So that's what I'm going to attempt to do from here on out. Just write some shit and post it. A shit storm is on its way, you guys.

Speaking of a shit storm, I unintentionally saw Elliphant on Saturday night. Have any of you heard of her? She is a white, female, Swedish rapper. Like... what? I basically had an identity crisis during her performance. It made me feel racist, maybe? Sexist? I don't know because I'm not entirely sure what she's going for, but I mostly kept thinking, "You're a 28-year-old white girl. You're not allowed to rap to dubstep." I know that's wrong. But that's what I felt.

Since then, though, I can't stop watching this video:

I literally have no idea what's happening or why it's happening, but it's addicting. Is this art? What is art? Where is that guy who goes around Boston tagging "NOT ART" when you need him? Someone tell me how I'm supposed to feel. 

*She also cooks and bakes and takes GORGEOUS pictures of all the things she cooks and bakes, so everything she writes matters.

Woops

My last post was about how my blog is two years old. It's actually three years old.

But anyway, now it's dead, so.

Bye.