Things I learned this weekend

1. Getting caught in a sailing race while in a kayak feels like the aquatic version of the stampede scene in the Lion King.

2. Don't ever wear salmon colored shorts to kayak unless you want everyone to think you peed your pants.

3. Speaking of clothing, make sure you're wearing your pants on right-side-in before you meet with your personal trainer.

4. Having a personal trainer is a great way to feel healthy and also poor.

5. This is a thing that exists:

Goblin Shark

6. Going to happy hour alone is a good way to demonstrate that you're an independent woman. Beyoncé drinks alone, right? 

7. My roommate and I are on the same page even when we're at different grocery stores.

8. The *NSYNC reunion was underwhelming, but at least they eventually turned on JC's mic.

9. Justin Timberlake needs a break and/or vocal therapy. He could also benefit from a humbling experience, but not the kind that involves homeless people congratulating him.

Never forget.

10. Someone should tell Miley that public masturbation is illegal.