Things I learned this weekend

• I finally saw Jurassic Park, the original, 20 years later.
• It was great, not considering the fact that the audio was so bad I had to put on closed captioning.

• Also, my apartment smelled weird that night so I spent most of the movie telling my friend, Kyle, that I was going to die in my sleep from chemical poisoning.
• He loves watching movies with me. In high school, we saw LOTR together, during which I asked him what the difference between Sauron and Saruman was and then he didn't talk to me for 7 years. 
• If Mad Max is the baseline for feminist entertainment, then I would say Jurassic Park is pretty feminist -- that one woman makes some remark about sexism in survival situations and then that girl saves the day using her computer-hacking skillz.  Plus, all the dinosaurs were bad-ass bitches.

• I'm not good at paying attention so I actually don't know anyone's name in that movie and called every character "John".
• You're never too old to hit a pinata in a park, with your adult friends, while an actual little girl jealously watches in the distance.

• My 29th birthday party was the best party ever (not including that time I had actual ponies and not just a My Little Pony pinata).
• My weekend was awesome until George RR Martin showed up and ruined everything.
• I cried harder for Jon Snow than any guy I've ever actually dated in real life.
• Because I'm a firm believer in magic, I do think he'll come back to life in some form, but I just hope that everyone else dies. Except for the dragons. And the wolves. I hope they both rule the throne. I hope everyone else dies and it's just a magical animal kingdom. BYE, GEORGE.
• Since my "friends" let me watch Game of Thrones ALONE last night, I had to tell the computer my feelings:

Things I learned this weekend.

• Stand-up comedy is hard because you have to keep coming up with new material.
• There are only so many ways I can talk about my vagina.
• Babies are kind of cute sometimes.

• Their heads weigh at least 200 lbs, though.
• And that head comes out of someone's vagina!!!!!!!!!

• I'm always talking about vaginas. Vaginae? Help me out.
• Cats and dragons are so similar. I just want to be in mothers' support group with Danaerys.

• My phone autocorrects to capslock when I talk about dragons.
• I have to give Boo metamucil now. He is more and more like his mother every day.
• If Mad Max made you interested in feminist entertainment, then you should be watching Masters of Sex.
• Virginia Johnson is my new hero. 

Caitlyn Jenner

The overwhelmingly positive support for Caitlyn Jenner makes me hopeful. But since I'm a blogger, I found something negative to complain about. Yesterday, I overheard a conversation about Caitlyn's transition that riled me up (which is easy to do, if you know me at all). Some of the things I heard were:

"Why does he have to be a sexy woman? Why can't he just be a woman?"

Why can't you just eat a cookie and not tell everyone how bad you feel about yourself afterwards? Same reason. Women, whether they be trans-women or not, are held to unreasonable expectations of beauty. That is part of the reason you not-so-quietly talk about your weight and your diet and how your clothes fit and what your hair looks like to everyone in the office and sometimes even strangers. That is why women are sexed up on the covers of magazines. That is why none of us can just be a woman. So, of course, because Caitlyn Jenner is a woman, she will be treated like one. This is something to applaud and also to examine critically. Gender identity is tied to gender equality. Let's not forget that at the very end of the 2020 interview, Diane Sawyer quoted one of Jenner's former Olympic competitors, saying that he supported Jenner, "but wait, does that mean I was beat by a girl?" LOL, right?

"Why can't he just do it quietly?"

Well first of all, why can't you do anything quietly?  I ask myself that question every day when I'm sitting in my office listening to you complain about how busy you are as you online shop. Second of all, Caitlyn Jenner deserves much praise for not transitioning quietly, for helping to revolutionize how we treat and talk about transgender people and gender in general. Way to go, Caitlyn. What are you doing to change the world?

Things I learned this weekend

• I make bomb-ass pancakes [for one].

Recipe here.

• Make sure to check all your burners before you leave the house, because you might accidentally leave one on and then your whole apartment will smell of gas when you get home.
• Boo can survive a 12-hour gas leak but having to sit on our front stoop for an hour while we wait for National Grid to show up causes him to panic.
• Friday night was a lot of fun.
• I've officially [barely] survived living alone for one year.
• You can swim in the Charles River, just make sure you don't touch the sediment. 

• I finally watched the Bruce Jenner 20/20 special. My favorite part was at the very end when Bruce's former Olympic competitor wrote in to express his support for Bruce and then ~joked~, "Wait, so I was beat by a girl?" It was so funny! And it really showed how far we've come when talking about gender.

• Game of Thrones blew my mind last night. Daenerys + Tyrion 4-eva. 
• I think it's a bummer that zombies can't come back and just, like, hang out with their friends.
• Zombies can't swim. Or can they?