Hypochondria

This morning, I went to the doctor to have a couple moles checked out because one of them was itchy. Of course, WebMD had told me that an itchy mole is a symptom of MELANOMA, so I freaked the fuck out.

Note: I once saw a billboard that said: "Do you have lupus?' and reacted by shouting "DO I?!" in public and then immediately googling the symptoms.

I do not have lupus.

I also do not have melanoma.

As it turns out, the moles on my stomach are not even moles, and I actually have a skin fungus. A fungus! Gross, right? But better than the big C, that's for sure.

My doctor sent me away with some topical cream and also some sage advice:

"Do not ever look anything up on Google."