Line up

A few posts back, I taught you all some very valuable lessons on dating that I've learned over the years. Now, I'd like to share with you some of the best pick up lines I've ever heard:

• I like your glasses. You must be smart. Actually, contrary to popular belief, this is not true. Just because you wear glasses does not mean you are smart. Exhibit A:

SHE WROTE A BOOK. 

• I like your glasses. You look like a sexy librarian. Librarians barely exist, so basically you're saying that I look unemployed. Though, you did say sexy, and ideally I would be unemployed if you could financially support me, so maybe this one isn't so bad.
• I like your glasses. You look like a lesbian. Okay, maybe this is not a pick up line, but I seem to get it a lot.  That's concerning.
• I like your glasses. They're Anne Klein. You can get them at your local Lens Crafters.
• What kind of sports did you play in high school?  This is actually a pretty common one, and I don't understand how it could ever be an interesting conversation starter, but that's probably because I didn't play any sports in high school. The last time I told a guy that, he said: "Well, you look like you did." I look like I played sports 8 years ago? What does that even mean?
• Brown eyes are amazing. Someone I was dating said this to me. My eyes are green. 
• I want to give you a hair cut right now. I don't even have an explanation for this one except that it's fucking weird. 

And finally, my personal favorite:

• You look like you could fit into kids' clothes... just, like, a larger size. Oo, yeah, I'm pretty sure you  just called me a fat little girl, so...

Alright guys, I know it's hard to come up with something interesting to say to a stranger, especially if you're super awkward like me, but even I have some impressive lines, such as this one:

• So... do you want to come over and meet my cat? Yep. Works all the time, every time.*

*Note: has worked one out of one times.