Coffee, Bagels, and (Hopefully) Jewish Boys

The time has come. My fear of online dating has finally been outweighed by my fear of dying alone, and alas, I am now on a dating website.

www.coffeemeetsbagel.com

I was attracted to Coffee Meets Bagel because of the word bagel and its affiliation to Jews. Also, it requires little to no effort, which is great, since dating is less important to me than is not being alone when all of my friends inevitably move in with their boyfriends/girlfriends and get dogs and leave me in the DUST with my (stunningly flawless) cat. I have this very urgent fear that I will have to live over someone's garage in the suburbs when I'm 30 and be the obligatory invite to Thanksgiving. That cannot happen.

(Also, I make some really good desserts, so I promise to be a valuable guest.)

See?

So anyway, now I'm on a dating website, which I'm not sure will really help because I have a busy schedule and would likely choose spinning over getting coffee with someone I probably won't like anyway. My dad told me I need to be less picky. Then I told him to start giving my number out to people he works with. That is the low point at which I am right now.

Also, if he knew the options I have been given lately, he probably would appreciate my "high standards." The last guy I met asked to come home with me after SHOWING ME PICTURES OF HIS BABY. So yeah, no. No babies. Possibly ever. That's definitely a standard. I should probably go add that to my dating profile.