Just some things

I've been busy throwing up and catching up on 7 years of 30 Rock, so I haven't had much will time to blog lately. Also, sometimes, I just don't care about blogging. Am I allowed to say that?

Last night, I went to my first fiction writing class. For the next few months, I will be required to write every day, so hopefully you'll see some of that. And hopefully some of that will be worth seeing. But in the meantime, here are some observations/experiences from the past week:

• The grim reaper is the stomach flu personified.
• Fever dreams are less fun as well as more terrifying than Ambien dreams.
• American Hustle made me want to experience the 70s and also never wear a bra.
• Why are movies so fucking long, though?
• The more I watch 30 Rock, the more I become Liz Lemon, and I was already mostly her, so that's something...

• The other day, we ordered pizza at work. When I went back to the staff room for my 16th slice, the only kind that was left was pepperoni, which I really don't care for. Yet, somehow, I found myself eating it anyway, saying out-loud to a presumably empty room:  "This is some dumb ass shit". That is a direct quote. A few seconds later, I looked over and noticed one of my coworkers quietly praying in the corner. I panicked, panted, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry", and ran out of the room. 
• Call me cynical, but Macklemore et al's Grammy performance was gross in every sense of the word. That's right, GROSS.
• But I of course approved of Bey and Jay's on-stage foreplay.
• I eat more candy as an adult than I ever did as a child. The other night I had Starbursts for dinner. 
• Obviously, my resolution to buy and cook fresh foods is going well.

Things I learned this weekend

1. Ambien not only makes me fall asleep, it also makes me have the most bad ass dragon dreams.
2. During Pats games, almost every guy I have ever dated texts me. See you next year, guys!

3. On that note, there are a lot of reasons why we lost that game, one of which is that we didn't even try.
4. Whatever. I don't even care. Sports are stupid.
5. Her is a movie about what it's like to live in the future when no one really interacts with each other because they're on their smartphones.

6. It's also about how some people fantasize about dead cats during sex.
7. Sometimes you're reminded that you're too old to be at a bar when you meet someone you student taught high school English.
8. My new goal in life is to do one chin up.
9. When you get an email from mint.com that you are already over your bar limit for the month on the 15th, the responsible thing to do is go on a bar crawl that weekend.

10. My body and my wallet need a serious break from drinking. There has got to be something else you can do with your friends, right?

Weight Watching

I've unsubscribed from Weight Watchers emails three times now, and yet, I'm still hearing from them. I tweeted at them to leave me alone, and they requested that I DM (direct message) them for help. For those of you not on twitter (what? why?), you must be following someone in order to DM them. So, essentially, I would have to increase my connection to WW in order to be unsubscribed. Yes, I know I could immediately unfollow them, but this is about principles! STOP FUCKING EMAILING ME. If WW had a better customer service system in place I'd feel less inclined to write this post about their program, but now I'm annoyed. And when I'm annoyed, I turn immediately to social media because I'm a millennial.

Selfies, cats, craft beer, hashtags #millenial

I was overweight for most of my life, and that's just how it was. That is not to say that I was happy, more so resigned. But, after I graduated college and moved to Boston, I decided it was finally time to lose weight. At that time, I was over 200 pounds. Please know that it causes me physical pain to write this, but I'm doing it. For you. And so Weight Watchers will get off my shit.

I was already a member of a gym - being physically active has not generally been a challenge for me. My problems revolve mainly around cheese and all the emotions I attach to it. So, I needed to start focusing more on eating "healthy", aka less. I decided to join Weight Watchers because they hosted meetings at my office -- it was convenient and I had heard it works. On the Weight Watchers program, every food is assigned a points value. You are allotted a specific amount of points each day (based on your weight/height, etc.) and you are expected to track everything you eat. It is, in its most basic form, another version of counting calories. Now, everyone knows that if you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. It's science. So, a diet that is based on this equation, such as Weight Watchers, is, more or less, proven to work. And it worked for me. I lost roughly 80 lbs and thus became "healthy". Except not really.

Perhaps some people can count points or calories without going crazy, but I am not one of them. Although Weight Watchers helped me lose weight, it also helped me develop disordered eating. Even though I haven't been on the program for years, everything I eat, or even just look at, is still assigned a number. On the program, I felt so bad about myself when I exceeded my points allotment for the day. Why didn't I have more self-control?!  I would then try to compensate for my mistake by eating almost nothing the next day. 80 calorie lunches were a real, far too regular thing. At one point on the program, bananas had a higher point value than most fruits, so I felt bad about eating those, too. BANANAS! It was insane. And now so am I.

I still often experience this cycle of guilt. It's not only destructive mentally, but also physically. For the record, you cannot, and will not successfully lose weight if you are bingeing and fasting, or fad dieting, or generally spending all of your time worrying about food. You also can't be happy.

For the past year or so, I've been actively working on changing the way I think and feel about food, and let me tell you, it's extremely difficult when you have such demonizing thoughts in your head (and when Weight Watchers is constantly reminding you via email that you're still not thin enough).  But I think it is worth it. Being at a healthy weight is no fun when your brain doesn't let you appreciate it. I just want to have a scoop of ice cream and not think about it for the rest of the day! Seems reasonable, right? So, next time you try to lose weight, think about why you're doing it. Is it to be happy? Because your weight really has no effect on that, trust me.

Beyoncé ft. Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche - Flawless... by wonderful-life1989

I recognize that for some people (including my previous self), losing weight is critical to their health. However, I don't necessarily believe dieting is the best way to do it.  It's interesting to consider that as dieting and diet foods have become more popular in the U.S., so has obesity. Perhaps the answer to losing weight is not limiting food, but allowing it. 

Earlier this month, I began a personal campaign to end fat talk. To enjoy food without examining its caloric value first. To concentrate on being happy, not being thin. I hope you will join me.

Things I learned this weekend (on the MBTA)

I managed to catch the last train on Saturday night, which was exciting because I do whatever I can to avoid paying for a cab. Unfortunately, there was a very drunk and obnoxious couple who spent 90% of the ride complaining about how long it was taking and forcing everyone around them to agree that this was the worst experience of their lives. "You either agree or this conversation is over!" What a threat.

America's oldest subway, still kicking.

Worst of all, though, not only did they aggravate all the other passengers, but they also berated and flipped off the MBTA employees on the train. This was the last straw for me. After working in customer service for what felt like my entire life, one thing I simply cannot tolerate is people being rude to people at work. Especially when those people have shitty jobs, such as driving a bunch of drunk privileged assholes home at 1 in the morning, for instance. 

So finally, I said, "The only reason why this ride is horrible is because we all have to listen to you." They weren't pleased by my TRUTH BOMB. The girl started mocking my voice and may or may not have said she wanted to slap me. The guy said, "Excuse me, are you Liz Lemon?" as if that were an insult. I was like, "Yeah I am, actually." And then I heard the girl say quietly, "Wait, I like Liz Lemon."

She then turned to me and yelled, "Why don't you just put your little headphones back in!" even though they already were in, so I pointed out that no matter how loud I turned up my volume, I could still hear them being dicks. This went on until they decided to get off the train two stops early to take a cab home because isn't it outrageous that they have to pay $70 a month for an unlimited T pass only to spend at least $10 just to go a mile and a half in a cab?!  Right, right.

If taking a long train ride is the worst thing to ever happen to you, consider yourself pretty lucky. The end.