Write about this.

Over the years, I've learned that there are two main reasons why guys ask me out:

1) Because I watch football and that somehow means we're soul mates.
or
2) They want me to blog about them.

First of all, my obsession with football is not cute, okay?  I scream, I cry, I tweet incessantly. You should be embarrassed of that shit. Plus, oddly enough, there's a lot more to me than sports. If you want to talk about football and then Jane Eyre, well then that's a different story.

As for number two, why would you want me to blog about you? Isn't that, like, invasive? Also, do you think I'm going to say something nice? Because the answer is probably no. (Related question: Have you ever actually read my blog?) Pretty much the only reason why I would write about you is if you did something weird, like ask me if I'm going to write about you while we're hooking up. So.  I'm assuming you wouldn't appreciate that.  I am not Taylor Swift, you guys. I don't know what love is! I generally avoid writing about the people I've dated out of the kindness of my heart, and because I don't think the world needs to know about my sex life.

...unless you're going to pay me for it.

Not the sex, the stories! This is getting confusing. To be clear, I'm not a prostitute.

ANYWAY.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm working on a book about my past dating experiences and if you're nice (or crazy) enough to get in it, then you can pay to read what I've written about you. Maybe that is kind of prositutey. Whatever. I need money, you guys!