Fat is the New Single

The other day, I read an article entitled "15 Perks to Being Single." Apparently, I needed a reminder. Or 15 reminders. Unfortunately, though, I didn't find the article particularly helpful. A number of the "perks" involve the opportunity for casual sex, which I don't think is a compelling argument for being single. Has anyone ever had good casual sex? Sorry, let me rephrase that: Has any straight female ever had good casual sex? Doubtful.

Also, number 11 couldn't be less accurate. Eat whatever, whenever?  Okay, I might do that, but do I feel good about it? No. What single person is like, "You know what will make me attractive to the opposite sex? Blowing up like a balloon after eating a block of cheese by myself with my cat on a Wednesday night." (Purely hypothetical situation.)

In fact, I think I am always more concerned about what I am eating when I'm single (see: the last 26 years of my life). I have to keep this svelte body to get the boys' attention, you know. SVELTE BODY. I look forward to the day when I'm comfortable enough in a relationship to gain 10 pounds and not have a mental breakdown. In other words, I want to trap someone so that when I do blow up like a balloon after eating a block of cheese with my cat (he's not going anywhere), it's too late for them to run away.

That's what I look forward to. So, line up, fellas.