Though I may write about being single a lot, I am in no way desperately looking to settle down / have sex with you ever at any time. In fact, my standards are so high, they are essentially unreachable.
Okay, granted some of you might be reading this and saying to yourself, Oh, but I knew you for like a week before we hooked up. Listen, sometimes Stella needs her groove back, okay? And sometimes Stella drinks way too much IPA. But normally, Stella has really high expectations and wears a proverbial chastity belt. So, consider yourself lucky.
What I'm saying is that this shit is locked up, so please don't ever think tweeting at me is going to get you anywhere. Okay, maybe once I dated a guy from twitter. But then I came to my senses (noted his Mountain Dew t-shirt) and was like, I have gotsta go. And so at this point, you're going to have to do a lot more, like know me IRL, and pass a cori check, and maybe also show me a copy of your credit report.
You aint ready.
Is this what it's like to be single? No one ever hits on me on Twitter. Partly because I don't weigh 125 pounds like you do, I imagine, but partly because it's clear from all of my posts that I demand dinners that most men can't afford. Still–jealous.
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl. Also, I was not thinking of your roommate when I wrote this post, as he has not (yet) hit on me via twitter. Well, I guess he has, via you. But that's different.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this is nothing to be jealous of. This is why I choose to drink wine with my cat on a Friday night rather than go out in public.