Things I learned this weekend: Boston Calling Edition

1. It's hard to pee in a poncho.

2. In my old age (and short stature) I no longer care about seeing anything at a concert. Listening is enough. In fact, I spend a lot of the time with my eyes closed.
3. I am old and/or bitter. During The Shins, everyone around me was talking, and some kid behind me said, "Who the fuck is playing right now?" How are you at this festival and don't know who The Shins are? Did you seriously spend $120 to see Fun.? I kind of hate you.
4. Speaking of Fun., I give not one single fuck. There I said it. I know I sound like a pretentious asshole right now, but that's only because I'm a pretentious asshole:

DP = Dirty Projectors

5. To the really cool girl in the really cool bomber jacket who stood on a trashcan during Andrew Bird and screamed at everyone behind her to "Go fuck off!": I can tell by your calm demeanor that you truly value Andrew Bird's music and that is why you were entitled to block everyone's view. I can't believe so many people asked you to get down! How dare they! Good for you for standing up for yourself by aggressively insulting everyone around you while Andrew Bird played the violin.

So hip!

6. Speaking of being hip, here's a picture of me putting my nose ring in a bowl of salt water:

7. The best way to keep warm at a music festival is by doing step aerobics. On that note, I apologize to the 7-10 people I bumped into while jazzercising.
8. Don't eat the chicken fingers.
9. Women will sacrifice all levels of comfort in the name of "fashion." For example, they'll wear high-heeled sneakers to stand on 200-year-old brick for 8 hours, or shorts/dresses/jumpers/things without sleeves or pants in 40 degree weather.
10. I wish all music festivals started at 1 pm and were 20 minutes from my house, so here's some good news: