Things I learned this weekend

1. I'm feeling the fuck out of this song right now.

2. Sometimes, on a really beautiful day, I spend 3 hours at the mall picking out scarves and other shit I absolutely do not need.
3. You might feel like a tiny, dainty woman until you go get measured at Victoria's Secret.
4. My friend, Pat, is a hypocritical dick. I was five minutes away from ordering Domino's in my pajamas at 5 p.m. instead of going to the gym when I texted him for reassurance. Of course, his response was: "go to the gym." Later, I get this message from him:

5. Just kidding, he is the most perfect person in the world.

6. But I had fucking salad.
7. My sister is ENGAGED!

8. I'm probably going to have to take out a personal loan to afford all of the weddings I'm going to in the next year.
9. I like babies now? I don't know; I'm feeling distraught. I saw one this weekend at an engagement party and I smiled at it and it smiled at me, but I think it only liked me because I had cat faces on my dress, obviously.
10. Then again, "it." So.