Every year around this time, I post a list of my favorite albums, and no one really cares about it. This year, I'm switching it up and posting a list of my favorite songs that no one will really care about. Last year, I really fucked everything up by posting before Beyoncé surprised us with her self-titled album, so luckily, I can make up for it now because she released a couple singles in 2014.
Anyway, here they are, in no particular order, my favorite songs of the year:
0 to 100 - Drake
Water Fountain - tUnE-yArDs
Family - Fatima
Flawless (remix) - Beyoncé ft. Nicki Minaj
Coffee -Sylvan Esso
Blank Space - Taylor Swift
7. 1936 - PHOX
8. Keep On Lying - Jessie Ware
9. i - Kendrick Lamar
10. Two Weeks - FKA twigs
11. Goddess - Banks
12. Springful - Adult Jazz
Honorable mention: "Often" by The Weeknd, but only because I shamefully listened to it so many times.
1. It's actually someone's job to sedate butterflies and put them in envelopes.
2. Men should be subjected to wedding showers, too.
3. I never thought I liked pepperoni before Friday night.
4. Whenever I have poutine, I imagine eating it with Drake.
5. You probably shouldn't shout, "Just live your fucking life!" out a window at the precise moment the oldest women on earth are walking by.
6. The Keytar Bear is back!
7. I will carry a nightstand for a mile so I don't have to pay full-price for a new one.
1. It's always great to get out of the city and appreciate nature sometimes, especially if that nature is outside of a 4 bedroom house equipped with surround sound and a wine fridge.
Lake George, NY
2. In college, girls demonstrate friendship by cleaning up after you when you throw up.
Friends by choice.
3. I made a bomb playlist during our road trip to Lake George this weekend. I definitely should have been a DJ.
4. If you take Mariah's vocals out of this song, it's mostly just Puff Daddy making random comments and giggling.
5. And then ODB introduces himself. #RIP
6. Taco Bell really stops serving breakfast at 11 am, so don't show up at 11:06.
7. If you say your name is "Tricky" on Tinder, you can expect this from me:
8. The opposite of a dick pic is a "snatchsnap".
9. If you're going to say something (allegedly) brilliant on Twitter, you should spell-check it first.
10. On that note, this is the most important thing that has ever happened to me.
P.S. Today marks my first Things I Learned This Weekend linkup. I'm still new to this whole linkup concept, so I'm not even quite sure what it means or what to do, but if you want to recap your weekend bullet-point style, then follow my lead and also use this fancy image created for me by my new blog friend, Jessi. (Thanks, girl!)
On Saturday night, I had a dream that I met The Weeknd in line for the bathroom at a bar and he invited me to sit with him and talk about feminism. WHAT?! I woke up sweating and panting. It was the most wondrous dream I've had since whenever the last time I dreamt about dragons was.
It's the dreads; they get me every time.
Are you all familiar with The Weeknd? If not, let me tell you about him: His name is Abel (!), and he's from Canada. He's also disgusting, misogynistic, possibly a sexual predator, and I'm in love with him. I'm not sure how to negotiate my feelings for him because he personifies everything I stand against, clearly. I feel guilty listening to his music, which I do almost always. I try to justify this by fantasizing (and apparently dreaming) that his musical identity is ironic, that he is drawing on people's most basic impulses to prove some kind of point (I haven't figured out what that point is yet...). Most likely, though, he is just high and entitled.
BUT THAT VOICE.
Everything I've ever said about girl power can be discounted by listening to this remix. I feel like I need to go to therapy about this. Do you know how hard it is to be a feminist who likes hip-hop?
It's that time of year when I make a list of my favorite albums from the past 12 months and no one gives a shit about it but I do it anyway because it's important to me. Also because I'm a music snob and want to impress you with my varied taste and expertise regarding musical talent.
So here it is, my top 10 of 2013 (in sort of a particular order):
10. Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience (Part 1. Part 2 is marginal. Sorry.)
9. Lorde - Pure Heroine
8. Laura Stevenson - Wheel
7. John Legend - Love In The Future
6. Arcade Fire - Reflektor
5. Drake - Nothing Was The Same
4. Valerie June - Pushin' Against A Stone
3. Janelle Monae - The Electric Lady
2. Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City
1. Lady Lamb and the Beekeeper - Ripely Pine
Runners up:
1. Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d city. I was so torn about this.
2. Miley Cyrus - Bangerz. But only because I listened to "We Can't Stop" approximately 84 times in a row when it first came out and also because sometimes I have dreams about her...
P.S. If you're wondering why Yeezus isn't on here, let me tell you: I know that Kanye is "doing what no one else is doing" (by taking other people's music and making it his own), but his terrible fucking lyrics ruin every song. There, I said it.
Every year, I sign up for some dumb 5k because it's the hip thing to do and then, as the day approaches, I remember that I fucking hate running and am filled with regret. When it comes to running, the only thing I'm (usually) good at is making playlists, but this year, I'm feeling insecure about my song choices.
Do you guys have any suggestions? I'm looking for songs that can make me forget I'm having trouble breathing, specifically.
Help.
Oh, and also: Happy Thanksgiving.
Boo, playing the role of a native. Me, playing the role of an asshole.
4. Sometimes when you're old, you watch the Disney Channel and go to bed at 10 on a Saturday night.
5. Also, UP was made for children? This doesn't seem appropriate.
6. I am a little concerned I'll miss Thanksgiving dinner on account of how long it's going to take me to complete the turkey trot I'm signed up for.
7. Sometimes you go meet your friends for a drink and they never say hi to you because they "opened a tab at the other side of the bar". (Still bitter about this, guys.)
8. I'm going on a date with a guy from England who is going back to England in two days. So that seems worthwhile.
9. On that note, my new year's resolution is going to be to date men in my own city / country.
10. Back up resolution: More cats.
So, last week, Steve Harvey told a female soldier that women shouldn't propose to men (and also to take her clothes off). And then, I read this absolutely terrible article in the Atlantic in which a man with frosted tips tells women how to be appropriately feminine and submissive. And THEN, someone told me, "A relationship can never work if the girl goes after the guy." What?! I'm constantly wondering what century I live in.
Obviously, this deeply troubled me since I'm not the damsel-in-distress type (except when I have the flu, in which case RESCUE ME) and also I have almost no patience whatsoever. I've definitely made the first move, and while I'm totally still single (call me!), I'd like to think that's not the reason why. So let's talk about this. I already started polling my straight, male friends and will share with you my qualitative research, but I'd love for you all to chime-in in the comments as well. The general consensus, so far, is that it doesn't matter, as you may have guessed. Some guys said they would prefer to be hunted because they "have no game", some because they're "lazy", some because it's "sexy". One of my friends pointed out, however, that he thinks women are typically less likely to be forward, so he assumes he has to be the one to make the first move, which, in my opinion, could be because their friends tell them no relationship will ever work out if they go after someone. Or maybe it's just human nature. Still, not one of my friends said they would be turned off by a girl making a move because who in the world doesn't like feeling desired? No one. That is just science. However, if the girl turns out to be obsessive or way more into it than the guy, then no, the relationship won't work out. But, like, duh? In the words of my friend Brennan: "There's a confident forward, and a creepy forward. If she looks like she's going to take my organs in my sleep, then it's bad, but someone who knows what they want is a lot more attractive than sheepish."
I just want to let you all know that the new Arcade Fire album, Reflektor, is on Spotify now. I feel pretty great about it; however, I will admit, when I first listened, I was like, "Wow, they're really channeling their inner Bowie on the title track," which quickly transitioned to, YOU'LL NEVER BE HIM SO STOP TRYING. And then I went on Google and discovered it's actually Bowie on the track so I'm a fucking loser.
1. New Yorkers can be nice. For instance, three strangers rushed to help me hail a cab. I must have looked really good or really hapless.
2. Cat costumes are boring except for the tail.
3. It would be so cool to have a tail, though.
4. Reading The Book Thief on the bus is an excellent reminder that being stuck in traffic is not the worst thing that could happen to you; Nazi Germany is.
5. Adults have bartenders at their house parties. Bartenders!
6. When I drink vodka, I try to set my gay friends up with straight guys.
7. I also steal ribbons from a Halloween decoration to make a collar so that my costume is more "authentic".
I am inappropriately obsessed with Drake's new album, Nothing Was The Same.
I honestly haven't cared much about Drake since he played Jimmy on Degrassi, and even then, I was more into Craig, despite the fact that he gave everyone gonorrhea in 8th grade because IT GOES THERE (Degrassi tagline).
100% gonorrhea
Anyway, I used to think Drake looked like Little Foot from The Land Before Time, but now I think he's sexy because we've both matured and also I've been single for a really long time.
Doppelganger
Moreover, Nothing Was The Same makes me understand what Amanda Bynes was talking about. And if you don't know what I'm referring to, you'll have to Google it since I'm too classy to repeat it here and also because my dad reads this sometimes.
Wink.
On the album, Drake kind of/sort of flirts with feminism, which makes me even more *excited*, since it's almost impossible for me to listen to hip-hop without feeling like a hypocrite (but I do it anyway). Then again, he also talks a lot about all the money he has because that is apparently the only way to sell hip-hop records in America. So, it's a little bit confusing, but whatever. I'm still totally obsessed with it/him.
Right.
PLUS, he's half black AND half Jewish, which means he could fulfill all my dreams of being in an interracial relationship with someone who will celebrate Jewish holidays with me. So, I really hope he's reading this. Well, I mean, everything except for the Little Foot part.
I'm still recovering from a fantastic weekend in NYC, hence why I've been notably absent this week. (It has been notable, right?)
1. Drake is Jewish.
2. The Bolt Bus picks you up/drops you off on the side of the road. Every person who takes it forms a bond over their confusion about this.
3. People from the midwest don't understand that putting your headphones in is New England code for "Don't talk to me."
4. You know you're in Connecticut when XXX billboards start appearing on the side of the highway.
5. Sometimes men take off their pants in the middle of Times Square at 5 pm.
6. Cronuts make for a nutritious breakfast when paired with kale smoothies.
7. My friend Patrick and I fell in love with our waitress at Colonie. She gave us complimentary donuts and a hug at the end of our meal.
8. There is an exhibit at The Met called Cats and Girls. Unfortunately, it's about 90% pedophilia, 10% cats.
Not pictured: Cats.
9. I want to eat this every day of my life.
10. Sometimes, very rarely, you can watch a Patriots game with a Giants fan and like each other.
1. I'm feeling the fuck out of this song right now.
2. Sometimes, on a really beautiful day, I spend 3 hours at the mall picking out scarves and other shit I absolutely do not need.
3. You might feel like a tiny, dainty woman until you go get measured at Victoria's Secret.
4. My friend, Pat, is a hypocritical dick. I was five minutes away from ordering Domino's in my pajamas at 5 p.m. instead of going to the gym when I texted him for reassurance. Of course, his response was: "go to the gym." Later, I get this message from him:
5. Just kidding, he is the most perfect person in the world.
6. But I had fucking salad.
7. My sister is ENGAGED!
8. I'm probably going to have to take out a personal loan to afford all of the weddings I'm going to in the next year.
9. I like babies now? I don't know; I'm feeling distraught. I saw one this weekend at an engagement party and I smiled at it and it smiled at me, but I think it only liked me because I had cat faces on my dress, obviously.
10. Then again, "it." So.
Whenever I tell people that I don't really like to watch movies they give me horrified looks and then scream at me, "WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?!" Well, first of all, I say, everything else in the world you could do other than watch a movie. And then, after that, I sit in my room, alone, and listen to music for an extended period of time.
Trust me, I was always this emo. As a teenager I would listen to the Doors and Dispatch (but never, ever Phish) for hours and hours. My parents thought I was secretly smoking weed in my bedroom, but, in actuality, I wasn't even cool enough to do that. I was mostly laying on my floor writing lyrics down on post-its and putting them all over my walls.
However, during the summer of 2006, also known as The Worst Summer Ever, I would smoke cloves and listen to Death Cab for Cutie and Bright Eyes at the beach. I thought I had a broken heart, but it was really just mono.
You guys, how was I so hip?!
Anyway, I still sit in my room for hours listening to music not smoking weed but also not writing things on post-its because that's wasteful, and I could never find a pen on my shit-hole of a desk anyway:
This is the way I live.
Every night, the following interaction occurs:
Me: I'm going to bed. Roommate: Ok, good night. Me: (Goes into bedroom, listens to music for 2 hours, falls asleep with it blaring.) Roommate's boyfriend: Was Katie listening to Notorious BIG at 2 in the morning?
Yes. Yes, I was.
On that note, you should know how ridiculously random my music collection is. On a recent road trip, I put my old iPod on shuffle and the following sequence of artists came on:
Rage Against the Machine
Fleet Foxes
TI
Hall & Oates
Radiohead
I also have long love affairs with albums. It's weird because I can't seem to pay attention to movies, but I will listen to the same album on repeat for weeks at a time. Sometimes even months. When The 20/20 Experience came out, I listened to it for two straight weeks without breaking. On my way to work, at work, on the way home, etc. You'd think after all that time I'd know what the fuck JT says in Mirrors, but I have not one clue. I've definitely been singing along (loudly) for months without ever using an actual English word.
She's only 23, but brilliant and also a bit gory. There's a lot about blood and bones going on in her lyrics. I'm like, how are you so eloquently bitter at such a ripe age? I'm 27 and just regular bitter. I think I need someone to stab my heart out or something so I can get a record deal. Also some musical talent would help.
Until then, I'll just keep my singing to myself (and my room). You're welcome.
*
[If you found any of this at all interesting, follow me on Spotify, which has officially changed my life. Ten dollars a month for infinite music on all your devices. It's a dream come true.]
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