Growing Up (Is Hard to Do)

After weeks of unsuccessfully searching for a roommate (I was basically going on dates with women from Craigslist every night for the past month), I've decided to get a place on my own. I found an adorable little studio in a (very different part of town), and fell in love with the idea of living alone. For the first time in about four years, Boo and I are going to live above ground. I can (continue to) leave dishes in the sink for over 24 hours and also not wear clothes whenever I want. (My roommate and I are very comfortable with each other, apparently.) I'm pumped.

But, before I finally decided to take the studio, I did some serious thinking about how my life would change. And, after making a budget and list of pros and cons, I realized that the thing I was most anxious about was having to leave my gym. In fact, the thought of it made me literally cry. And then it hit me -- to date, my longest and most successful relationship has been that with Healthworks.

And by working out, I mean laying on a mat looking at the ceiling.

If you told me when I was younger that my biggest anxiety would be leaving a gym, I would have said, "Bitch, you cray." (I probably wouldn't have said that because I don't think 'cray' was a slang term back then). But fitness has become such a huge part of my life. Not that I'm super athletic or anything (I duck when balls come toward me*), but exercise is part of my daily routine. It makes me feel so good. And Healthworks is the most incredible place to do it.

I joined Healthworks about four years ago at the height of my dieting craze -- that time when I was eating 60 calorie lunches and having serious panic attacks when a friend would ask me to go out to dinner at a restaurant that had nothing "healthy" on the menu. I've come a long way since then. I can honestly say I've never been happier with myself or my body, which is pretty cool.

)

Ultimately, I realized my relationship with food and my body wasn't healthy and, more importantly, it was interfering with my life. I didn't want to be afraid of food anymore. Or afraid of socializing. I remember being at a Bruins game, freezing my tits off, and my friend suggesting we get some hot chocolate to warm up. All I could think about was how many calories would be in that cup. This was an enlightening moment. I looked at my friend and said, "I don't want to live in a world where I'm not allowed to have a fucking hot chocolate."  Of course, I was the only one not allowing myself hot chocolate. So I made a conscious decision to change.  And though I wouldn't say Healthworks caused this positive change, it definitely supported it.

Healthworks has a great environment -  "Girl Power" is written all over the walls, basically. And yes, it's totally expensive, but the equipment, and the towels, and the whirlpool, and the free tampons make it worthwhile. (Note: I have not bought tampons in 4 years. Don't tell anyone I said that.) This is starting to sound like an ad. The point is, I feel comfortable there. It's a place I actually enjoy going to every day. It's a place that taught me to focus on fitness over just burning calories. I can't bear the thought of leaving it for some POS gym that bribes you with free pizza on Tuesdays (which actually makes people feel worse about themselves, by the way).

So, I'm not going to. I decided I'm going to try to make a long distance relationship work, even if it's inconvenient and expensive. Because that is what love is about, you guys - sacrifice! Or something. I'm really growing up right now.

On that note, deciding to live in a studio was the biggest, most adult decision I've ever made on my own. I kept telling the realtor he was watching me "become a woman". He told me I would need to provide my new management company with a picture of my cat, and I nearly shouted, "Oh, don't worry, I have hundreds of them!" Dude must have been like, "This chick in the cat shirt with the cat pictures moving into a studio is doomed."

Seriously, though, dying alone.

*puns!