8 Things to stop saying to your single friends

Or, "8 things to stop saying to me, specifically'".

Or, "This list probably already exists on Thought Catalog/Buzzfeed/Huffington Post/Another fluff website".

1. Are you seeing anyone? I talk to everyone about everything, so if I meet someone worth talking about, I'll be sure to tell you. This I promise you.

2. You should date my friend/cousin/brother/neighbor's son. Just because two people are single doesn't mean they're right for each other. This philosophy applies to sexualities as well. In other words, don't do this: "Your friend's gay? He should date [this other gay person I know]!"

3. Why don't you like him? He's perfect! What the fuck is perfect? Perfect for me? Perfect for you? Perfect on a resume?

4. He likes you. You should date him!  Unfortunately, that is not a good enough reason for me. See, I have this weird thing where I want to actually like the person I'm dating, too. I know, I know, I should just feel lucky that someone likes me enough to date me, but I guess I'm greedy!

5. Maybe he'll come to my wedding with you! We went on one date, so probably not.

Alternatively:

6. I'm only giving +1s to people in relationships. Oh, okay.

7. Maybe you're dating the wrong sex. Nope, I'm not a lesbian, but thank you for asking. As much as I love the gays, questioning my sexuality is offensive. You are suggesting I don't know who I am or that I'm insecure. Trust me, guys, I love dick! (Sorry mom and dad.)

8. You want a relationship. Not everyone wants the same things. Some people want to get married; some people don't. Some people aren't sure yet. What I think we can all agree on is that no one wants to be told what they want or what to do. After all, this is America. Or whatever.

I do believe that people say these things with the best of intentions, but you have to understand that it causes me, and probably other single people, a lot of anxiety. These questions/comments suggest that a) a person's value is tied to whether or not he/she is in a relationship, and b) there is something wrong with you if you're not in one. My hypochondria coupled with general stress gives me enough to worry about. I don't need the added pressure of feeling inadequate because I'm single. I'm going to be okay, you guys!

Love you, though.