Two of my good friends have been dating for several years. One year ago, while the girlfriend was visiting family for a few months, her boyfriend cheated on her with another good mutual friend. After he told his girlfriend about it, she decided to forgive him and stay together. But now she wants me to stay friends with both of them but ditch the girl he cheated on her with. I still want to be friends with all three of them, and in my mind what he did was worse than what she did. What should I do?
Sincerely,
I wish I could bake a cake out of rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat and be happy
Dear "I wish I could bake a cake out of rainbows",
Wow, man. I'm embarrassed at how stereotypically female this girl is being -- hating on the other woman, while forgiving her boyfriend. My first suggestion is for her to read my recent post about feminism. My second suggestion is for her to listen the Spice Girls' hit single "Wannabe" in which they recommend, "if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends." Technically, her boyfriend followed that advice, so.
Girl Power
Furthermore, if this chick can forgive her boyfriend, then she should be able to forgive her friend. But, IRREGARDLESS, she has absolutely no right to tell you who you can be friends with. So, I think you should tell your friend, "You better check yourself, before you wreck [all of your own friendships]". And then bake that cake and be friends with everyone.
Hearts & Stars,
Katie Qué
Need relationship advice? Write to me at imyourkatieque@gmail.com.
My ex husband cheated on me countless times and I always ALWAYS forgave him and hated the chick stupid right? I think she should either be friends with both of them or kick both of them to the curb I mean who wants to be around cheaters anyway!
ReplyDeleteBah that sounds like an awful situation all around. I would just think that being around them would be awkward.
ReplyDeleteand then share some of that cake with me....where my cake at?! From the front ta back....... but no really. I couldn't agree more how wrong it is that she forgives the idiot boy who did the cheating and not the friend.
ReplyDeleteThis situation can be dealt with by removing the complexities of interpersonal relationships and boiling it down to it's essence: a group of individuals who have to come to terms with the actions of two individuals.
ReplyDeleteMake it clear to the original girlfriend that her boyfriend betrayed YOUR trust as well as hers. Make it clear that your ability to be friends with him (and by extension, the original girlfriend) depends on their ability to make things right with YOU also. She may have forgiven her boyfriend, but make it known that you do not want his short-comings to jeopardize your interpersonal relations. Provide her with the opportunity to see things in this light and offer to be friends with everyone involved, as long as they stay honest and do right by YOU.
It just seems as though the original girlfriend is forgetting your individual role in this whole situation. Sit her down alone and explain where you fit into the puzzle. She will either get the point, or she is more drama than she is worth.
(Written at home, on a work day, on drugs, with a hip injury.)
Those drugs are making you insightful. It's very, very hard for people to look outside of themselves.
DeleteGodspeed, my dear.