Too busy for the internet.

Hi friends. It's been a while, and I'm sorry. That is, if you've noticed. If you haven't noticed, well then fuck you!

Just kidding. I don't care. I've been really busy lately. Don't you hate when people say that? Like their life is so fucking important. Sorry I couldn't call you back - I've been so busy! Sorry I disappeared from your life all together. I'm just sooooo busy.  My job that involves sitting at a desk all day is too overwhelming for me to remember that you exist! [This concludes my vague bitter rant about men who have ghosted on me in the past.]

Blingee.

I actually am so fucking busy, though. My job has fairly drastically changed over the last few weeks which means I have to spend the majority of my day doing actual work as opposed to looking at the internet. WOE IS ME.

Don't get me wrong. I am still having a lot of fun (read: drinks). I also joined OKcupid, which is one of the scariest places on [virtual] earth. Why I joined now, when I have relatively no free time, is a mystery to me as well as to everyone I've communicated with, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't constantly overbook my life so that I feel perpetual stress and anxiety.

Most stressed 2004-present.

But let's talk about OkCupid. It's perfect for my generation of people who need to be simultaneously over-stimulated and immediately satisfied.  For example, if you want to jump right into a relationship, you can simply skip the courtship part and just read someone's answers to hundreds of incredibly invasive questions, such as:

"Do you like to be choked during sex?"

For the record, I didn't answer that one. There are some things I think people should discover over time, like whether or not you enjoy S&M. I'm just old-fashioned in that way, you know?

Here's a question that has explained a lot about the difference between men and women:

"Is foreplay necessary before sex?" 

Literally every man I've looked at has answered this question with "no".

As you will note, 98% of the questions are sexual, so I'm not even sure if OkCupid is a dating website or more like a free escort service, in which case, I am using it incorrectly. Who knows? Maybe I'll figure that out when I'm not soooooo busy.