Boys cry, too.

Happy Monday!

As per usual, I don't have much to say, but if you haven't watched this yet, please do so right away:

Other than that, in terms of what I learned this weekend, it mainly boils down to the fact that sinus infections are fucking disgusting. I am basically a walking Mucinex commercial right now. I just want you to imagine how sexy that is. 

Also, The Little Mermaid has a pretty terrible story-line, but I was, like, weirdly attracted to Prince Eric while watching it this weekend. He's a cartoon character, you guys. So.

TTYL.

Things I learned this weekend: A narrative.

I have anxiety coupled with a fear of heights, so flying isn't necessarily my favorite mode of transportation. However, over the years, I have learned that with a little alcohol, I enjoy the experience much more. On Friday, I got to the airport and through security with over an hour to spare, so decided to wait at Boston Beer Works instead of at the gate. When I ordered an IPA, the bartender informed that it is a "strong beer" and made me try it to be sure I liked it. I'm sure this was supposed to be considered good customer service, but I found it pretty condescending. Once I got over it, I relaxed quite a bit, in fact, so much so that I almost missed my flight. I've never been so nonchalant about flying before -- proof that beer is good for the soul.

While flying, I thought about how cool it is to live in 2013. Like, you can watch TV in the air. That is pretty fucking cool, right? Also, clouds are pretty cool. Look:

Science.

There's a chance I was drunk while I had this revelation, but whatever.  I just love technology, you guys (while also having no idea how it works).

The weather in DC this weekend wasn't the best, though somehow my friend and I managed to walk over 10 miles on Saturday in really impractical shoes while also really hungover. Not sure what we were thinking. On Friday night, I reverted back to my 24-year-old self by drinking vodka sodas and aggressively dancing to Lady Gaga. This probably sounds ignorant, but I love watching white people dance, don't you? It's just, like, so uncoordinated and uncomfortable. Also, everyone at this particular bar was either in college or just graduated and therefore DTF, if you know what I mean. So much adolescent grinding.

Overall, my trip to DC was really great: we saw this awesome band play at a holiday market; I ate french fries every day; and I convinced my friends to spend their Sunday in bar watching football and drinking craft beer.

(Note the washtub bass.)

The only downfall was the fact that some teen-aged dick ripped my THROWBACK PATRIOTS HAT THAT IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE ONLINE OR AT THE PATRIOTS PRO SHOP off my head and ran away with it like a little fucking brat. I don't really hate people, but I feel like it's possible I hate that kid. I'm sure his life sucks, so stealing people's shit makes him feel successful in some way, but I will never see that hat again, so really my life is worse.

Obligatory cat photo.

On that note, the Pats game on Sunday was AMAZING. Totally. But I would absolutely hand back that W to get Gronk back.

What's your fantasy?

Despite my better judgement, I'm playing fantasy football this season. I think you guys already know how mentally ill I am when it comes to the Patriots, so I'm not sure projecting that sickness onto the entire league is a good idea, but oh well. Sorry in advance.

I spent two hours planning for my draft only to get 7th pick and have most of my top players RIPPED AWAY FROM ME. I threw many a virtual tantrum in the chat room. I am never dramatic.

Luckily, I had also come up with an extensive list of backups and ended up with an A+ roster, so. NBD.

I might as well start engraving my name on that trophy now.

As someone who was in school most her life, I really appreciate (read: need) the validation of a letter grade. So now that I'm not in school anymore, I have to focus on these types of accomplishments. It's for my self-esteem, you guys.

However, I do kind of feel like a degenerate since I went from getting a Master's at Harvard to managing a pretend football team online. Then again, I did study management, so I guess I'm putting my degree to good use. How many other people can say that?

Another Reason Why I Need to Quit Sports

Football turns me into a terrible person. Seriously, like a bad, heartless human being.

You may have heard that Aaron Hernandez, tight end for the Patriots, is apparently considered a suspect of a possible homicide in North Attleboro, MA.

Meanwhile, Rob Gronkowski, another star tight end, just had back surgery.

And here's the thing: murder is bad and everything, but mostly I can't help but think about how this could affect our season.

And that is why I should stop watching football immediately.

Oh my god, OR, was this all a Tebow conspiracy? WHAT IF?

Very Superstitious

I hate Bud Light. And pretty much all light beers. You can call me a hipster, but I prefer to drink only craft. Whatever. Anyway, despite my distaste (pun intended) for Bud Light, I'm totally loving their superstition commercials lately.

Why? Because I am also a total mental case when it comes to sports. Specifically, football, and specifically the Patriots. I have convinced myself that the only time the Pats do well is when I'm standing in the kitchen  (is that anti-feminist?). So, anytime they are approaching the end zone, I jump up off my couch and run to the kitchen. Just standing on the tile makes a difference. Sometimes, I plan to cook for the duration of the game just to ensure a blowout. I also keep my fingers crossed at all times and put my shirt over my mouth at critical moments. These things have proven to be successful.

This Sunday, I am going to brunch at a fancy hotel to celebrate a friend's birthday and will consequently miss the game (I should be rewarded for this). I'm deeply concerned that if I'm not wearing Pats attire, something bad will happen. But, I'm also not sure a bright red jersey is appropriate for ladies brunch at an elite hotel. What to do? What to do?! I'm actually considering keeping a jersey in my bag just so I have it on hand. Does that count?

What's going to happen, you guys?!

Monday Mourning

Though I'm not ready to talk about last night and probably never will be, I do want to say thank you to my friends and family for their support and concern. I'd also like to say that I am mildly disturbed by how serious this currently sounds as well as how serious everyone's support and concern has been.


Texts I received during and after the game:

• "Terrified for your emotional well being."
• "I'm so sorry."
• "How are you holding up?"
• "Whatever happens, don't kill yourself tonight."

And this morning:

• "I just want to say that I'm really sorry."
• "Hope you're okay today." 

I'm not. I'm dressed in all black. But,