On Saturday night, I had a dream that I met The Weeknd in line for the bathroom at a bar and he invited me to sit with him and talk about feminism. WHAT?! I woke up sweating and panting. It was the most wondrous dream I've had since whenever the last time I dreamt about dragons was.
It's the dreads; they get me every time.
Are you all familiar with The Weeknd? If not, let me tell you about him: His name is Abel (!), and he's from Canada. He's also disgusting, misogynistic, possibly a sexual predator, and I'm in love with him. I'm not sure how to negotiate my feelings for him because he personifies everything I stand against, clearly. I feel guilty listening to his music, which I do almost always. I try to justify this by fantasizing (and apparently dreaming) that his musical identity is ironic, that he is drawing on people's most basic impulses to prove some kind of point (I haven't figured out what that point is yet...). Most likely, though, he is just high and entitled.
BUT THAT VOICE.
Everything I've ever said about girl power can be discounted by listening to this remix. I feel like I need to go to therapy about this. Do you know how hard it is to be a feminist who likes hip-hop?
"Let's bring slutty back!" That was my grand thesis at the end of the night after my graduation party slash many many (read: too many) shots. You're probably thinking that I was on the way to a one night stand or something, but no. I was on the way home to my cat and a deep dish pizza from Domino's.
Let's break here and talk about this pizza because I cannot even get over. It's possibly the best pizza out there, and I know you're totally judging me for saying that because it's from Domino's, but you need to CHECK YOURSELF and order one right now and experience that CHEESY BLISS.
Okay, back to sluts. My idea is a lot more virtuous than it sounds. Basically, I just want women to be able to hook up with people if they want to hook up with people and not feel guilty about it or be judged for it. Much like men.
Equality, yo.
Now, I've discussed this concept with a couple people and some of them have said that they don't think the double standard exists anymore, but I disagree. In fact, just the other day, my friend told me about how she met a guy, had a great time with him, and hooked up with him on the same night; and her follow up statement was, not surprisingly, "I broke my rule of prudence and am slutty." Do you think he thinks he's slutty? No! No, he doesn't. And furthermore, no one's slutty in this situation. People are just human in this situation. Sometimes Stella needs to get her groove on. And "rule of prudence" sounds so Victorian, which, despite its literary genre, is not a world I want to live in. Okay, okay, maybe an arranged marriage would be nice on account of the free housing (the rent is too damn high!), but that comes at the cost of not having any kind of organized plumbing system. Think of the smell! No one wants that.
So, let's embrace 2013 and do our thing. Now, I'm not saying go out there and be gross or anything. Wrap that shit up! But then, after that, get it girl.
Let me just start out by saying that, as many of you know, my life-long dream is to be a housewife. I want my husband to make more money than me. I want him to be able to fix shit and carry things. I want to make sure dinner is on the table at 5 and impress people at cocktail parties. And most of all, I don't want to have a job. That said, Miller Lite commercials are so fucking sexist I want to vomit all over my television every time I see one.
Their entire marketing campaign is based on the idea that Miller Lite is a "manly" beer. Miller Lite? Really? I don't think so. In my opinion, no light beer is a manly beer. But more importantly, Miller Lite tastes like piss. PISS. If a guy ever buys me a Miller Lite, he can shit any possibility of going home with me right down the damn drain.
But why are you even listening to my opinion? I'm a female and therefore know nothing about beer. And as Miller will tell you, I don't even care about taste! In fact, I should really only be drinking this:
www.chickbeer.com
Because I gotta watch my figure, too. And the only way a girl can do that is by drinking absolute shit beer (at only 97 calories!) in a tacky bottle. But, wait. If that's the case, then shouldn't Miller Lite really be advertising to me?
